Day Thirty-One: Cheat Day of Awesomness!

I'm so glad I decided to have a monthly cheat day. At least, I was last night when I ate this lovely slice of awesomeness:

 

Pictured above: Awesomeness in it's solid form.

 

The picture above is P.F. Chang's New York-Style Cheesecake, a
smooth and creamy cheesecake with graham cracker crust served with fresh berries and raspberry sauce (per their menu). I'm not big on raspberries. Fresh berries are for healthy days, anyway. I wanted chocolate, but I swore I wouldn't touch the stuff. Luckily ,they had caramel sauce. I nearly died of a self inflicted diabetic coma, and I'm reasonably sure my husband nearly died of embarrassment from all the moaning and euphoric exaltations coming from our table. This lovely slice of heaven was 920 calories. That's not including the caramel sauce. It's just as well I couldn't finish it all. Okay, I finished most of it, but still...

 

My alcoholic beverage was less orgasmic.

 

Pictured above: Awesomeness in its liquid form. Or it would be. If it had more vodka.

This is P.F. Chang's Coconut Lemon Sour which includes Pearl Coconut Vodka, coconut water and fresh lemon juice. It was sweet and delicious and satisfying. Too bad it wasn't very strong. Either the bartender was stingy with the vodka or I've grown a tolerance for liquor in my old age because I didn't get so much of a buzz from this. Usually I can blame a full stomach, but not this time. I finished half my drink before the waiter served me my appetizer. Too bad really, because it was quite delicious. I have no idea how many calories were in it, but it was probably a lot considering how sweet it tasted. Kind of a waste of a cheat, though. Next time, I'll just order an appletini and be done with it.

 

Because I'm holding myself accountable for all cheats, I'm also including other little slip-ups that happened this week, including this one lonely tortilla chip I ate during Thursday night's D&D game:

 

 

So very, very lonely...

In my defense, I thought the host of the game was going to be making food like he does every other game night and decided to have one serving of whatever he made. As it happened, he didn't make anything this week. I was hungry, so I allowed myself one chip. Taking the picture kept me from eating more. I was saved when one of the other players bought the entire group burgers. I opted for the one without cheese and decided not to take a picture of it because I was still under my limit and sustenance was required. And I feel like such a tool every time I have to take a picture of my food in public.

 

Speaking of which...

 

 

A very lonely pizza bite. If only it could find its lonely tortilla chip soul mate...

 

You know those free sample food carts at Sam's? That's where I found this poor excuse for a pizza product when I took my mom shopping last Wednesday. Well, not this one per say. This is the one that was left when I realized I had just popped a cheat food in my mouth. Again, I wouldn't have eaten this if I had stopped for lunch, but in my defense (I'm incredibly defensive when I diet) I didn't realize we would be stuck shopping for four hours straight. Four. Fucking. Hours. Seriously. When I realized what I had done, I immediately took a picture of its surviving sibling, much to the chagrin of the food cart lady. She asked me what I was doing with such a confounded expression that made me wonder if she thought I was a free sample hating terrorist. I explained that I had a blog and was holding myself accountable, yada, yada, and her confounded expression was followed by a headshake and a prayer for my generation's addiction to social media and the interwebs. And really, I can't blame the woman.

 

So, that's that. Now I slowly pine away from my next cheat day on February 18th, when my husband and I celebrate our wedding anniversary. I'm not sure what I'll cheat with this time, but I'm sure Darren will be embarrassingly contemplating the murder of every desert making chef within a hundred mile radius.

 

Author's note: I've made it through the first month without slitting a wrist. Yay for me! Next post will include weight stats as well as my end of the month photo. Yay for me.

 

 

Day Twenty-One: To Cheat or Not To Cheat, That is the Question...

After some consideration, I have decided to allow myself a monthly cheat day. The idea was posited to me by Quirky Chrissy of the blog of the same name. She suggested I allow myself a weekly cheat day, but I've decided to make it a monthly thing and see how it goes from there. This month's cheat day will be January 30th when my husband and I see Shen Yun at the Mahalia Jackson Theater. My cheat will consist of one alcoholic beverage and one serving of desert. The desert can not have chocolate in it. I just can't control myself around chocolate.

Speaking of cheats, earlier this month I promised to show pictures of food items that went off my diet. This has raised certain questions I'm still trying to answer. I did go off my diet once or twice these past few weeks, but not in the sense that I ate a mountain of potato chips or whatnot. Basically, I've either been forced to eat something I probably shouldn't due to lack of an alternative or I've gone over my calorie limit because I ate too much of what I'm allowed to eat. Here are a few examples:

This was the day I forgot to bring my lunch to work and all they had were burgers and hotdogs, and they were out of the fat-free dressing. Beef is considered a "red" food on my Noom and so are most salad dressings. I'm only allowed around 15% of red foods, and this put me over my percentage limit. Ironically, I don't think I went over my calorie limit for the day.

I did go over my calorie limit the day I ate this totally benign and Noom approved whole wheat bread slice. I was desperately hungry that day and feeling like crap to the point that if I didn't have something in my stomach, I felt like I was going to dry heave. It was around this time that I started wondering if I shouldn't up my calorie limit or at least check to see if I had been depriving myself of some necessary nutrient. I also started taking vitamins around this time.

It's not what you're thinking...

No, those aren't droppings from some mysterious animal. Those are almonds and, according to Noom, a red food. I was feeling low on energy and desperately needed a boost. This is what I used to eat when I was low on energy (also when Noom used to include this as a yellow food), and it did the trick, but it also put me over my calorie limit for the day.

These are just a few examples. I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it to include these as cheats. I haven't gone too far over my limit, and to be honest, I felt I needed the extra food. Either my body isn't used to the calorie cut or my app is wrong about my limit. I want to lose weight, but I don't want to risk my health in the process. In the future, I might only include these over the limit cheats if I go over 200 calories or more. After doing a little research, I've come to the conclusion that as long as I exercise and stay within a 1,300-1,400 calorie limit, I should be fine. I'll decide at the end of the month after I've weighed myself. I'll probably be in a less than generous mood by then, but what can you do?

Day Fourteen: Exercise and All the Funny Notes on My Noom

Exercise has never been my thing, my public school education having instilled a fear of gym shorts and sweat from an early age. But I am trying, by golly. I've set up an exercise regiment that is flexible and probably isn't doing anything for me, but at least it's more than what I was doing most of last year. I've been trying to incorporate different routines and not just stick to the same old, "run on a treadmill until I'm bored" shtick. I've only missed two days so far. One was the Friday of the first week when I was getting acclimated to my new sweaty lifestyle. The other missed day was yesterday when I had a painful sinus headache that kept me in bed most of the day. So far so good.

 

I have an app on my phone to keep myself honest. Or as honest as a lackadaisical, life-long couch potato can be. One of the nifty things about my Noom Coach app is that I can log any exercise I do throughout the week. I can also leave helpful little comments such as the one I left on January 2nd, the Friday I planned to workout after work, but pooped out:

 

Never assume you will have the energy after working a late shift. Either get here early, or do it at home.

 

And then there's this helpful nugget that came after I realized listening to the same Crystal Method song was going to slowly drive me insane. Especially since it would pause in the middle of the song for no apparent reason (I later learned my phone was being interrupted with email notifications and such):

 

Two minute run between sets. Really, REALLY need some new workout music. Preferably on a player that doesn't skip. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with my phone?!?!?

 

And also there's the snarky one I wrote on January 6th. That was the day I planned to go to the gym to swim, but decided to use the treadmill at home instead because I just wasn't feeling it:

 

Supposed to swim. Would require me to leave the house...Fuck that.

 

My favorite notes are the ones where I got creative with what I considered an aerobic workout:

 

...Sex. I was on top. I'm counting this.

 

And no, I will not tell you how long that aerobic workout lasted.

 

Never scream "FEEL THE BURN, BITCHES!" during coitus. It confuses your partner and raised certain...questions.

 

 

Day Seven: Things I've Learned

I've been through this dieting crap before multiple times. There really shouldn't be any surprises. Unfortunately, there were a few things about getting back on the wagon that I sort of...forgot.

 

1. Be Prepared to be Unprepared

 

The day before I started my diet/workout regiment, I thought I bought enough food to last me a couple weeks. I was wrong by half. I bought two bags of apple slices and some greens. I went through them in less than seven days which is just as well since-big duh-these items were perishable and wouldn't have lasted long anyway. Still, this kind of sucks since I was counting on getting paid right before my next grocery shopping trip. I have canned alternatives, but mostly it's the kind of healthy junk that I'm not too fond of or the bad stuff I'm saving in case of the zombie apocalypse.

 

If I'm living in a post-apocalyptic world, there better be ravioli in it.

A quick trip to Costco for some emergency supplies with my husband proved to be a temporary solution. On the plus side, I won't be running out of garlic roasted green beans or tuna anytime soon. Too bad that emergency food run made a big dent in our household budget, which brings me to my next item...

 

2. This Dieting Shit will Cost You Money

 

The problem with healthy food is that most healthy food is perishable. The problem with perishable food is that you're constantly replacing it. Replacing it requires money. I'm not saying it's so expensive that it isn't worth doing, but you will have to stretch your budget a bit. I took this past Monday off because it was my husband's birthday. Had I known I was going to have to raid the sofa cushions for food money, I would have requested a change of shift instead. I'm going to have to be very careful about pinching pennies for the next few months. Either that or get used to eating most of my meals out of cans.

 

3. This Dieting Shit will Make you...Well, You Know...

 

Fun fact: Insoluble fiber attaches to waste in the body, which makes waste bulkier and easier to pass. This is a refined way of saying roughage makes you poo more regular like. If your body isn't used to eating rabbit food and you're suddenly Bugs Bunny in overdrive, be prepared to spend a lot of time on the porcelain goddess.

 

"Insignificant peons! All will squat before me!"

 

4. Be Mindful When Scheduling Workouts

 

As I mentioned before, I have an app on my phone that allows me to keep track of dietary intake and workouts in advance. I have my workout schedule set up for the entire week, and I was careful to set aside Thursday and Sunday as days of rest since Thursday is my game/writer's meeting night and Sunday is my long work day. Too bad I forgot how hard it is to exercise on Fridays. I work the late shift on that day. The plan was I would go in and work my shift from 3pm-9pm, change into my workout clothes after work, and workout in the fitness center next to the spa. I only had one or two clients scheduled when I went in, so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. I didn't count on all the walk-ins. By end of shift, I was almost too exhausted to walk the length it would take to get to my car. I've since revised my Friday workout routine to start before work, at home, where it's harder for me to weasel out of it.

 

5. To Cheat or Not to Cheat, That is the Question...

 

This is one I didn't think of until just the other day, and I'm still debating it. I do a reblog of other blogs and other interesting things I find on the internet every Sunday on my Doomtown blog. Last Sunday, I did a reblog of Quirky Chrissy's take on New Year's resolutions. I sent her an email letting her know what I was doing and that I would be careful to include links to all her stuff. She emailed me back letting me know it was quite alright and wished me luck on my yearly endeavors. She also advised me to include a weekly cheat day that consisted of alcohol and/or desert, and I'm wondering if she might be right. The last time I lost the weight, I refused to allow myself cheat days because that was usually how I fell off the wagon with my other diets. I would have a cheat day set aside, and that day would be extended to the next. And the next. And...well, you get the drift. My last attempt at healthy eating/living lasted close to two years and didn't really go off track until I was laid off one job and had to get used to another. If I had already incorporated a cheat day into my diet, would it have made things easier for me, or would I have just gained the weight back quicker? I don't know, but I'm giving serious consideration to allowing myself a monthly cheat. If I do, It won't be an all day binge fest. Either one alcoholic beverage and one desert. Or, either or. I'll give it a try at the end of this month and see how it goes. Hopefully, the monthly progress picture will keep me on the straight and narrow.

 

Bam! Instant incentive.

 

Day One: Or, Why I Hate Taking Full-Body Pictures

It's eating away at me, this knowing I'm going to have to post a picture at least once a month. And not just a picture of my face, either. At least with a face shot I can angle the picture in such a way as to hide most of my chins. But holy Space Buddha, I've never been able to take a full-body shot without cringing, and that's when I'm fully covered.

Me. In a sports bra and shorts. I apologize for any psychological damage this image has caused.

And to those of you blinded by my pasty whiteness, my bad. My bad.

 

I had hoped to post this New Year's Eve when I was too drunk to care. Too bad I ate so much fat and grease and crap that it absorbed any alcohol I drank. If you knew just how much of a light weight I usually am when it comes to liquor-yeah, yeah, "light weight", funny-you'd understand just how amazing it is that I was not only still standing but could comprehend the consequences of my actions. Not a good thing when you're about to post half nude photos of yourself online. Or as close to nude as I EVER intend to get.

 

At any rate, there I am. In all my glory. I weighed myself New Year's day. It was almost as depressing as the pictures. I come in at 147.8 lbs. Compare that to my heaviest weight two years ago at 190 lbs. and it doesn't seem so bad until you realize that I got down to 130. Another ten more pounds and I'll be halfway back to my starting weight. And it never takes long to gain that weight back. Aaaand...I never just gain it all back. I gain it all back and then some. And then I have to start all over again. I'm nipping this shit in the bud right here and now.

 

I spent New Year's day eating like a good little dieter. I prepared the day before, buying enough healthy items to get me through the next couple weeks. I hope. I'm using Noom for Android to keep track of diet and exercise. It not only helps you keep track of calories, it helps keep track of what percentage of healthy (green) foods you take in. It really helped me out a lot two years ago. Things didn't really get off track for me until after I stopped keeping track of what I was putting in my mouth...that came out dirtier than I intended, but you get the drift.

 

Here's a record of what I ate yesterday. No hipster food images, I swear:

 

Breakfast

 

1. Skim milk (1/4 cup)
2. Cheerios (1 cup)
3. Dannon Light and Fit Nonfat Vanilla Yogurt (1 cup)
4. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Bread (1 slice)
5. Borden Cheese Fat Free Sharp Singles (1 slice)

Total Calories: 320

 

Morning Snack

 

1. Tangerine
2. Chiquita Juicy Green Apple Bites (7 slices)
3. 1/2 cucumber
4. Fresh Express Hearts of Romaine (2 cups)

Total Calories: 112

 

Lunch

 

1. Yoplait Light Nonfat Yogurt, Very Vanilla
2. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices)
3. Borden Cheese Fat Free Sharp Singles (1 slice)
4. Hillshire Farm Deli Select Turkey Breast Oven Roasted (1 serving)
5. French's Classic Yellow Mustard

Total Calories: 300

 

Afternoon Snack

 

1. Cucumber (half)
2. Fresh Express Hearts of Romaine (2 cups)
3. Chiquita Juicy Green Apple Bites (7 slices)

Total Calories: 86

 

Dinner

 

1. Boca Soy Protein Burgers All American Flame Grilled 10 Oz. (1 patty)
2. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices)
3. Green Beans (1 serving)
4. Borden Cheese Fat Free Sharp Singles (1 slice)

Total Calories: 310

 

Daily Total Calories: 1128

 

I didn't exercise that first day because it was a Thursday (I'm either at a Writer's Circle meeting after work or playing D&D). Today I did some aerobics (Leslie Sansone's Power Walk) and later after work, I'll be doing some strength training exercises. My next post will include my exercise regiment as well measurements. And I'll try to restrain myself from laughing too hard at Leslie's Fran Dresher laugh.

 

Update: You have no idea how hard it is taking waist measurements when you have two rolls of fat in between. No fucking clue. Here you go:

 

STARTING WEIGHT: 147.8 lbs.

 

Starting Measurements:

 

Bust - 41

Waist - 35

Hips - 43