Day Thirty-One: Cheat Day of Awesomness!

I'm so glad I decided to have a monthly cheat day. At least, I was last night when I ate this lovely slice of awesomeness:

 

Pictured above: Awesomeness in it's solid form.

 

The picture above is P.F. Chang's New York-Style Cheesecake, a
smooth and creamy cheesecake with graham cracker crust served with fresh berries and raspberry sauce (per their menu). I'm not big on raspberries. Fresh berries are for healthy days, anyway. I wanted chocolate, but I swore I wouldn't touch the stuff. Luckily ,they had caramel sauce. I nearly died of a self inflicted diabetic coma, and I'm reasonably sure my husband nearly died of embarrassment from all the moaning and euphoric exaltations coming from our table. This lovely slice of heaven was 920 calories. That's not including the caramel sauce. It's just as well I couldn't finish it all. Okay, I finished most of it, but still...

 

My alcoholic beverage was less orgasmic.

 

Pictured above: Awesomeness in its liquid form. Or it would be. If it had more vodka.

This is P.F. Chang's Coconut Lemon Sour which includes Pearl Coconut Vodka, coconut water and fresh lemon juice. It was sweet and delicious and satisfying. Too bad it wasn't very strong. Either the bartender was stingy with the vodka or I've grown a tolerance for liquor in my old age because I didn't get so much of a buzz from this. Usually I can blame a full stomach, but not this time. I finished half my drink before the waiter served me my appetizer. Too bad really, because it was quite delicious. I have no idea how many calories were in it, but it was probably a lot considering how sweet it tasted. Kind of a waste of a cheat, though. Next time, I'll just order an appletini and be done with it.

 

Because I'm holding myself accountable for all cheats, I'm also including other little slip-ups that happened this week, including this one lonely tortilla chip I ate during Thursday night's D&D game:

 

 

So very, very lonely...

In my defense, I thought the host of the game was going to be making food like he does every other game night and decided to have one serving of whatever he made. As it happened, he didn't make anything this week. I was hungry, so I allowed myself one chip. Taking the picture kept me from eating more. I was saved when one of the other players bought the entire group burgers. I opted for the one without cheese and decided not to take a picture of it because I was still under my limit and sustenance was required. And I feel like such a tool every time I have to take a picture of my food in public.

 

Speaking of which...

 

 

A very lonely pizza bite. If only it could find its lonely tortilla chip soul mate...

 

You know those free sample food carts at Sam's? That's where I found this poor excuse for a pizza product when I took my mom shopping last Wednesday. Well, not this one per say. This is the one that was left when I realized I had just popped a cheat food in my mouth. Again, I wouldn't have eaten this if I had stopped for lunch, but in my defense (I'm incredibly defensive when I diet) I didn't realize we would be stuck shopping for four hours straight. Four. Fucking. Hours. Seriously. When I realized what I had done, I immediately took a picture of its surviving sibling, much to the chagrin of the food cart lady. She asked me what I was doing with such a confounded expression that made me wonder if she thought I was a free sample hating terrorist. I explained that I had a blog and was holding myself accountable, yada, yada, and her confounded expression was followed by a headshake and a prayer for my generation's addiction to social media and the interwebs. And really, I can't blame the woman.

 

So, that's that. Now I slowly pine away from my next cheat day on February 18th, when my husband and I celebrate our wedding anniversary. I'm not sure what I'll cheat with this time, but I'm sure Darren will be embarrassingly contemplating the murder of every desert making chef within a hundred mile radius.

 

Author's note: I've made it through the first month without slitting a wrist. Yay for me! Next post will include weight stats as well as my end of the month photo. Yay for me.

 

 

Day Twenty-One: To Cheat or Not To Cheat, That is the Question...

After some consideration, I have decided to allow myself a monthly cheat day. The idea was posited to me by Quirky Chrissy of the blog of the same name. She suggested I allow myself a weekly cheat day, but I've decided to make it a monthly thing and see how it goes from there. This month's cheat day will be January 30th when my husband and I see Shen Yun at the Mahalia Jackson Theater. My cheat will consist of one alcoholic beverage and one serving of desert. The desert can not have chocolate in it. I just can't control myself around chocolate.

Speaking of cheats, earlier this month I promised to show pictures of food items that went off my diet. This has raised certain questions I'm still trying to answer. I did go off my diet once or twice these past few weeks, but not in the sense that I ate a mountain of potato chips or whatnot. Basically, I've either been forced to eat something I probably shouldn't due to lack of an alternative or I've gone over my calorie limit because I ate too much of what I'm allowed to eat. Here are a few examples:

This was the day I forgot to bring my lunch to work and all they had were burgers and hotdogs, and they were out of the fat-free dressing. Beef is considered a "red" food on my Noom and so are most salad dressings. I'm only allowed around 15% of red foods, and this put me over my percentage limit. Ironically, I don't think I went over my calorie limit for the day.

I did go over my calorie limit the day I ate this totally benign and Noom approved whole wheat bread slice. I was desperately hungry that day and feeling like crap to the point that if I didn't have something in my stomach, I felt like I was going to dry heave. It was around this time that I started wondering if I shouldn't up my calorie limit or at least check to see if I had been depriving myself of some necessary nutrient. I also started taking vitamins around this time.

It's not what you're thinking...

No, those aren't droppings from some mysterious animal. Those are almonds and, according to Noom, a red food. I was feeling low on energy and desperately needed a boost. This is what I used to eat when I was low on energy (also when Noom used to include this as a yellow food), and it did the trick, but it also put me over my calorie limit for the day.

These are just a few examples. I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it to include these as cheats. I haven't gone too far over my limit, and to be honest, I felt I needed the extra food. Either my body isn't used to the calorie cut or my app is wrong about my limit. I want to lose weight, but I don't want to risk my health in the process. In the future, I might only include these over the limit cheats if I go over 200 calories or more. After doing a little research, I've come to the conclusion that as long as I exercise and stay within a 1,300-1,400 calorie limit, I should be fine. I'll decide at the end of the month after I've weighed myself. I'll probably be in a less than generous mood by then, but what can you do?

Bingeing and Accountability

I feel like such a hipster. You know what a hipster is, right? The type of idiot who wears glasses even though their vision is 20/20. The type that wears skinny jeans and drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon while hanging out at Whole Foods and trying to look like they don't care about looking cool. Well, I am not that type of hipster. No, I'm the type that snaps pictures of food and posts it online for the world to see.

 

I am becoming this. Shoot me.

 

It would be less embarrassing if the whole thing weren't documentation of a binge. Or many binges. I told you I was going crazy before the first of January, and I meant what I said. This past couple days, I've gone hog wild in a very literal sense. And pretty much every time I did it, I took a pic using my cell phone. That got old very quick, and it might work out to my advantage. If I have to point my cell phone camera at my plate every time I eat something forbidden, maybe it'll make me think twice about ordering something I shouldn't. That works in public (especially since I always feel like a moron for forgetting to turn the flash off on my camera), but in private, it might not be such a deterrent. Then again, I'll be posting it online. You don't get much more public than that.

 

For instance, here are only a few of the things I've binged on today:

 

 

This is what I ate for breakfast. Note the artificial sweetener I used to sweeten my coffee. Because I like a little irony with my cup o' joe.

 

This is what I had for lunch:

 

 

 

 

And this is what was left just before I got too sick to hoover up the rest:

 

Be happy I didn't include the pic of what ended up in the toilet after my stomach rebelled.

 

That's right. I ate so much, I got sick to my stomach and puked. I am not proud of that fact, trust me. I still feel like crap, both emotionally and physically. That's the worst part about a binge. Your body craves this crap like crazy to the point that it's all that you think about. And when you finally give into the cravings, that same body that was begging for that sweet hit of extra cheese and pepperoni reminds you just how bad an idea giving into that craving was. I not only feel like a greasy slug, I'm ashamed to look in the mirror because of it. I can feel my ass widening even as I type this, and I know I'm going to have trouble fitting into my jeans. But tonight, I'll do it all over again and I'll still be craving pizza tomorrow. Because that's how addiction works. You know you're killing yourself, but part of you just doesn't care.

 

That's what bothers me the most. Not caring and wondering why I don't care. I'm hoping this blog will answer that question. I don't want it just be about shaming me into being a good little dieter. I want to find the root of my problem and, if not fix it, at least learn to manage it.

 

Here's for hoping.