Day Seven: Things I've Learned

I've been through this dieting crap before multiple times. There really shouldn't be any surprises. Unfortunately, there were a few things about getting back on the wagon that I sort of...forgot.

 

1. Be Prepared to be Unprepared

 

The day before I started my diet/workout regiment, I thought I bought enough food to last me a couple weeks. I was wrong by half. I bought two bags of apple slices and some greens. I went through them in less than seven days which is just as well since-big duh-these items were perishable and wouldn't have lasted long anyway. Still, this kind of sucks since I was counting on getting paid right before my next grocery shopping trip. I have canned alternatives, but mostly it's the kind of healthy junk that I'm not too fond of or the bad stuff I'm saving in case of the zombie apocalypse.

 

If I'm living in a post-apocalyptic world, there better be ravioli in it.

A quick trip to Costco for some emergency supplies with my husband proved to be a temporary solution. On the plus side, I won't be running out of garlic roasted green beans or tuna anytime soon. Too bad that emergency food run made a big dent in our household budget, which brings me to my next item...

 

2. This Dieting Shit will Cost You Money

 

The problem with healthy food is that most healthy food is perishable. The problem with perishable food is that you're constantly replacing it. Replacing it requires money. I'm not saying it's so expensive that it isn't worth doing, but you will have to stretch your budget a bit. I took this past Monday off because it was my husband's birthday. Had I known I was going to have to raid the sofa cushions for food money, I would have requested a change of shift instead. I'm going to have to be very careful about pinching pennies for the next few months. Either that or get used to eating most of my meals out of cans.

 

3. This Dieting Shit will Make you...Well, You Know...

 

Fun fact: Insoluble fiber attaches to waste in the body, which makes waste bulkier and easier to pass. This is a refined way of saying roughage makes you poo more regular like. If your body isn't used to eating rabbit food and you're suddenly Bugs Bunny in overdrive, be prepared to spend a lot of time on the porcelain goddess.

 

"Insignificant peons! All will squat before me!"

 

4. Be Mindful When Scheduling Workouts

 

As I mentioned before, I have an app on my phone that allows me to keep track of dietary intake and workouts in advance. I have my workout schedule set up for the entire week, and I was careful to set aside Thursday and Sunday as days of rest since Thursday is my game/writer's meeting night and Sunday is my long work day. Too bad I forgot how hard it is to exercise on Fridays. I work the late shift on that day. The plan was I would go in and work my shift from 3pm-9pm, change into my workout clothes after work, and workout in the fitness center next to the spa. I only had one or two clients scheduled when I went in, so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. I didn't count on all the walk-ins. By end of shift, I was almost too exhausted to walk the length it would take to get to my car. I've since revised my Friday workout routine to start before work, at home, where it's harder for me to weasel out of it.

 

5. To Cheat or Not to Cheat, That is the Question...

 

This is one I didn't think of until just the other day, and I'm still debating it. I do a reblog of other blogs and other interesting things I find on the internet every Sunday on my Doomtown blog. Last Sunday, I did a reblog of Quirky Chrissy's take on New Year's resolutions. I sent her an email letting her know what I was doing and that I would be careful to include links to all her stuff. She emailed me back letting me know it was quite alright and wished me luck on my yearly endeavors. She also advised me to include a weekly cheat day that consisted of alcohol and/or desert, and I'm wondering if she might be right. The last time I lost the weight, I refused to allow myself cheat days because that was usually how I fell off the wagon with my other diets. I would have a cheat day set aside, and that day would be extended to the next. And the next. And...well, you get the drift. My last attempt at healthy eating/living lasted close to two years and didn't really go off track until I was laid off one job and had to get used to another. If I had already incorporated a cheat day into my diet, would it have made things easier for me, or would I have just gained the weight back quicker? I don't know, but I'm giving serious consideration to allowing myself a monthly cheat. If I do, It won't be an all day binge fest. Either one alcoholic beverage and one desert. Or, either or. I'll give it a try at the end of this month and see how it goes. Hopefully, the monthly progress picture will keep me on the straight and narrow.

 

Bam! Instant incentive.

 

Day One: Or, Why I Hate Taking Full-Body Pictures

It's eating away at me, this knowing I'm going to have to post a picture at least once a month. And not just a picture of my face, either. At least with a face shot I can angle the picture in such a way as to hide most of my chins. But holy Space Buddha, I've never been able to take a full-body shot without cringing, and that's when I'm fully covered.

Me. In a sports bra and shorts. I apologize for any psychological damage this image has caused.

And to those of you blinded by my pasty whiteness, my bad. My bad.

 

I had hoped to post this New Year's Eve when I was too drunk to care. Too bad I ate so much fat and grease and crap that it absorbed any alcohol I drank. If you knew just how much of a light weight I usually am when it comes to liquor-yeah, yeah, "light weight", funny-you'd understand just how amazing it is that I was not only still standing but could comprehend the consequences of my actions. Not a good thing when you're about to post half nude photos of yourself online. Or as close to nude as I EVER intend to get.

 

At any rate, there I am. In all my glory. I weighed myself New Year's day. It was almost as depressing as the pictures. I come in at 147.8 lbs. Compare that to my heaviest weight two years ago at 190 lbs. and it doesn't seem so bad until you realize that I got down to 130. Another ten more pounds and I'll be halfway back to my starting weight. And it never takes long to gain that weight back. Aaaand...I never just gain it all back. I gain it all back and then some. And then I have to start all over again. I'm nipping this shit in the bud right here and now.

 

I spent New Year's day eating like a good little dieter. I prepared the day before, buying enough healthy items to get me through the next couple weeks. I hope. I'm using Noom for Android to keep track of diet and exercise. It not only helps you keep track of calories, it helps keep track of what percentage of healthy (green) foods you take in. It really helped me out a lot two years ago. Things didn't really get off track for me until after I stopped keeping track of what I was putting in my mouth...that came out dirtier than I intended, but you get the drift.

 

Here's a record of what I ate yesterday. No hipster food images, I swear:

 

Breakfast

 

1. Skim milk (1/4 cup)
2. Cheerios (1 cup)
3. Dannon Light and Fit Nonfat Vanilla Yogurt (1 cup)
4. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Bread (1 slice)
5. Borden Cheese Fat Free Sharp Singles (1 slice)

Total Calories: 320

 

Morning Snack

 

1. Tangerine
2. Chiquita Juicy Green Apple Bites (7 slices)
3. 1/2 cucumber
4. Fresh Express Hearts of Romaine (2 cups)

Total Calories: 112

 

Lunch

 

1. Yoplait Light Nonfat Yogurt, Very Vanilla
2. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices)
3. Borden Cheese Fat Free Sharp Singles (1 slice)
4. Hillshire Farm Deli Select Turkey Breast Oven Roasted (1 serving)
5. French's Classic Yellow Mustard

Total Calories: 300

 

Afternoon Snack

 

1. Cucumber (half)
2. Fresh Express Hearts of Romaine (2 cups)
3. Chiquita Juicy Green Apple Bites (7 slices)

Total Calories: 86

 

Dinner

 

1. Boca Soy Protein Burgers All American Flame Grilled 10 Oz. (1 patty)
2. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices)
3. Green Beans (1 serving)
4. Borden Cheese Fat Free Sharp Singles (1 slice)

Total Calories: 310

 

Daily Total Calories: 1128

 

I didn't exercise that first day because it was a Thursday (I'm either at a Writer's Circle meeting after work or playing D&D). Today I did some aerobics (Leslie Sansone's Power Walk) and later after work, I'll be doing some strength training exercises. My next post will include my exercise regiment as well measurements. And I'll try to restrain myself from laughing too hard at Leslie's Fran Dresher laugh.

 

Update: You have no idea how hard it is taking waist measurements when you have two rolls of fat in between. No fucking clue. Here you go:

 

STARTING WEIGHT: 147.8 lbs.

 

Starting Measurements:

 

Bust - 41

Waist - 35

Hips - 43

Bingeing and Accountability

I feel like such a hipster. You know what a hipster is, right? The type of idiot who wears glasses even though their vision is 20/20. The type that wears skinny jeans and drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon while hanging out at Whole Foods and trying to look like they don't care about looking cool. Well, I am not that type of hipster. No, I'm the type that snaps pictures of food and posts it online for the world to see.

 

I am becoming this. Shoot me.

 

It would be less embarrassing if the whole thing weren't documentation of a binge. Or many binges. I told you I was going crazy before the first of January, and I meant what I said. This past couple days, I've gone hog wild in a very literal sense. And pretty much every time I did it, I took a pic using my cell phone. That got old very quick, and it might work out to my advantage. If I have to point my cell phone camera at my plate every time I eat something forbidden, maybe it'll make me think twice about ordering something I shouldn't. That works in public (especially since I always feel like a moron for forgetting to turn the flash off on my camera), but in private, it might not be such a deterrent. Then again, I'll be posting it online. You don't get much more public than that.

 

For instance, here are only a few of the things I've binged on today:

 

 

This is what I ate for breakfast. Note the artificial sweetener I used to sweeten my coffee. Because I like a little irony with my cup o' joe.

 

This is what I had for lunch:

 

 

 

 

And this is what was left just before I got too sick to hoover up the rest:

 

Be happy I didn't include the pic of what ended up in the toilet after my stomach rebelled.

 

That's right. I ate so much, I got sick to my stomach and puked. I am not proud of that fact, trust me. I still feel like crap, both emotionally and physically. That's the worst part about a binge. Your body craves this crap like crazy to the point that it's all that you think about. And when you finally give into the cravings, that same body that was begging for that sweet hit of extra cheese and pepperoni reminds you just how bad an idea giving into that craving was. I not only feel like a greasy slug, I'm ashamed to look in the mirror because of it. I can feel my ass widening even as I type this, and I know I'm going to have trouble fitting into my jeans. But tonight, I'll do it all over again and I'll still be craving pizza tomorrow. Because that's how addiction works. You know you're killing yourself, but part of you just doesn't care.

 

That's what bothers me the most. Not caring and wondering why I don't care. I'm hoping this blog will answer that question. I don't want it just be about shaming me into being a good little dieter. I want to find the root of my problem and, if not fix it, at least learn to manage it.

 

Here's for hoping.

 

365: Regarding New Year's Resolutions

Over the next few months, this blog will reveal pictures of food and half naked pics of the author. It will contain witty and probably cynical observations about the diet and fitness industry. Hopefully, by January 1, 2016, it will reveal a thinner and much healthier version of the author.

 

No, this blog is not written by an exhibitionist hipster. It's written by someone who's been struggling with her weight since childhood. I made a few silly New Year's resolutions last year, five in all. Among the resolutions listed were promises to eat better and to exercise more. I'm now fifteen pounds heavier, so you can guess how well that went. I'd like to say the extra weight is muscle mass, but I'm not that delusional. More's the pity. In an effort to keep a god damned fitness related resolution, I'm starting this blog. The thinking behind this is that it will be easier to keep if I can see the progress.

 

My plan is to update weekly with progress reports regarding exercise routines as well as pictures of healthy food options I liked or didn't like and maybe some helpful tips I pick up along the way. There will also be a monthly posting of weight as well as a picture of me in shorts and a sports bra. Don't get too exited. Unless you find arm flaps attractive.

 

Eat your hearts out, boys.

 

I'll post my first weigh-in and picture sometime within the next few days. Until then, I'm going to pig out like there's no tomorrow. And if I can find a low cal version of a martini that doesn't taste like ass, I might get through this year without slitting a wrist.