Day Fourteen: Exercise and All the Funny Notes on My Noom

Exercise has never been my thing, my public school education having instilled a fear of gym shorts and sweat from an early age. But I am trying, by golly. I've set up an exercise regiment that is flexible and probably isn't doing anything for me, but at least it's more than what I was doing most of last year. I've been trying to incorporate different routines and not just stick to the same old, "run on a treadmill until I'm bored" shtick. I've only missed two days so far. One was the Friday of the first week when I was getting acclimated to my new sweaty lifestyle. The other missed day was yesterday when I had a painful sinus headache that kept me in bed most of the day. So far so good.

 

I have an app on my phone to keep myself honest. Or as honest as a lackadaisical, life-long couch potato can be. One of the nifty things about my Noom Coach app is that I can log any exercise I do throughout the week. I can also leave helpful little comments such as the one I left on January 2nd, the Friday I planned to workout after work, but pooped out:

 

Never assume you will have the energy after working a late shift. Either get here early, or do it at home.

 

And then there's this helpful nugget that came after I realized listening to the same Crystal Method song was going to slowly drive me insane. Especially since it would pause in the middle of the song for no apparent reason (I later learned my phone was being interrupted with email notifications and such):

 

Two minute run between sets. Really, REALLY need some new workout music. Preferably on a player that doesn't skip. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with my phone?!?!?

 

And also there's the snarky one I wrote on January 6th. That was the day I planned to go to the gym to swim, but decided to use the treadmill at home instead because I just wasn't feeling it:

 

Supposed to swim. Would require me to leave the house...Fuck that.

 

My favorite notes are the ones where I got creative with what I considered an aerobic workout:

 

...Sex. I was on top. I'm counting this.

 

And no, I will not tell you how long that aerobic workout lasted.

 

Never scream "FEEL THE BURN, BITCHES!" during coitus. It confuses your partner and raised certain...questions.

 

 

Day One: Or, Why I Hate Taking Full-Body Pictures

It's eating away at me, this knowing I'm going to have to post a picture at least once a month. And not just a picture of my face, either. At least with a face shot I can angle the picture in such a way as to hide most of my chins. But holy Space Buddha, I've never been able to take a full-body shot without cringing, and that's when I'm fully covered.

Me. In a sports bra and shorts. I apologize for any psychological damage this image has caused.

And to those of you blinded by my pasty whiteness, my bad. My bad.

 

I had hoped to post this New Year's Eve when I was too drunk to care. Too bad I ate so much fat and grease and crap that it absorbed any alcohol I drank. If you knew just how much of a light weight I usually am when it comes to liquor-yeah, yeah, "light weight", funny-you'd understand just how amazing it is that I was not only still standing but could comprehend the consequences of my actions. Not a good thing when you're about to post half nude photos of yourself online. Or as close to nude as I EVER intend to get.

 

At any rate, there I am. In all my glory. I weighed myself New Year's day. It was almost as depressing as the pictures. I come in at 147.8 lbs. Compare that to my heaviest weight two years ago at 190 lbs. and it doesn't seem so bad until you realize that I got down to 130. Another ten more pounds and I'll be halfway back to my starting weight. And it never takes long to gain that weight back. Aaaand...I never just gain it all back. I gain it all back and then some. And then I have to start all over again. I'm nipping this shit in the bud right here and now.

 

I spent New Year's day eating like a good little dieter. I prepared the day before, buying enough healthy items to get me through the next couple weeks. I hope. I'm using Noom for Android to keep track of diet and exercise. It not only helps you keep track of calories, it helps keep track of what percentage of healthy (green) foods you take in. It really helped me out a lot two years ago. Things didn't really get off track for me until after I stopped keeping track of what I was putting in my mouth...that came out dirtier than I intended, but you get the drift.

 

Here's a record of what I ate yesterday. No hipster food images, I swear:

 

Breakfast

 

1. Skim milk (1/4 cup)
2. Cheerios (1 cup)
3. Dannon Light and Fit Nonfat Vanilla Yogurt (1 cup)
4. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Bread (1 slice)
5. Borden Cheese Fat Free Sharp Singles (1 slice)

Total Calories: 320

 

Morning Snack

 

1. Tangerine
2. Chiquita Juicy Green Apple Bites (7 slices)
3. 1/2 cucumber
4. Fresh Express Hearts of Romaine (2 cups)

Total Calories: 112

 

Lunch

 

1. Yoplait Light Nonfat Yogurt, Very Vanilla
2. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices)
3. Borden Cheese Fat Free Sharp Singles (1 slice)
4. Hillshire Farm Deli Select Turkey Breast Oven Roasted (1 serving)
5. French's Classic Yellow Mustard

Total Calories: 300

 

Afternoon Snack

 

1. Cucumber (half)
2. Fresh Express Hearts of Romaine (2 cups)
3. Chiquita Juicy Green Apple Bites (7 slices)

Total Calories: 86

 

Dinner

 

1. Boca Soy Protein Burgers All American Flame Grilled 10 Oz. (1 patty)
2. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat Bread (2 slices)
3. Green Beans (1 serving)
4. Borden Cheese Fat Free Sharp Singles (1 slice)

Total Calories: 310

 

Daily Total Calories: 1128

 

I didn't exercise that first day because it was a Thursday (I'm either at a Writer's Circle meeting after work or playing D&D). Today I did some aerobics (Leslie Sansone's Power Walk) and later after work, I'll be doing some strength training exercises. My next post will include my exercise regiment as well measurements. And I'll try to restrain myself from laughing too hard at Leslie's Fran Dresher laugh.

 

Update: You have no idea how hard it is taking waist measurements when you have two rolls of fat in between. No fucking clue. Here you go:

 

STARTING WEIGHT: 147.8 lbs.

 

Starting Measurements:

 

Bust - 41

Waist - 35

Hips - 43